


Guinea Pigs

by Rocky_T



Category: Star Trek: Voyager
Genre: Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-08-25
Updated: 2013-08-25
Packaged: 2017-12-24 14:25:37
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,460
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/941047
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Rocky_T/pseuds/Rocky_T
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Starfleet's got a new uniform design in mind. Who better to test it than the Voyager crew? Written for the ASC Uniform Challenge in 2003.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Guinea Pigs

**Author's Note:**

> Many thanks to Seema for her beta.

Janeway bit back a groan when the turbolift doors opened onto a fully-populated bridge. She'd hoped by coming early she'd be able to avoid any curious eyes. True, the bridge was never completely deserted, but there was a big difference between the skeleton crew of Gamma shift and the full staff of Alpha. By the number of heads swiveled her way, however, it looked like both groups were there right now, eagerly awaiting her arrival.

It couldn't be helped; her head held high, Janeway made her way to her seat, trying not to show any signs of discomfort which came from parading in six-inch heels, or the fact that the red skin-tight body suit outlined her waggling behind in the most disturbing way. Her captain's mask firmly in place, her 'death glare' set to maximum stun, she nevertheless felt a faint blush creeping into her cheeks as every male watched her forward progress with rapt attention. Harry's mouth hung slightly open; he shut it with a pop when he became aware of her gaze. Tom wore an expression of frank admiration; she could have sworn she heard a faint whistle. Even Tuvok raised a brow in her direction; she fleetingly wondered how much time he had left before his next pon farr came due. Not much, if the look he gave her was any indication. From his station, Ayala smirked. And Chakotay...she couldn't bring herself to look at the expression on his face.

Sinking into her seat at last--and grateful that she hadn't split any seams--she swore under her breath. "I can't believe Starfleet is making us wear these things! 'Field-testing the new uniform design', my ass!"

She'd spoken a bit louder than she'd intended. Tom stuffed his fist into his mouth and turned to the helm console with alacrity. Chakotay let out a guffaw. "Interesting choice of words--uh, sorry, Captain."

Before she could crucify her erstwhile first officer, Tuvok spoke up. "As explained in their latest communiqué via the datastream, Starfleet Command requires an isolated group of officers to evaluate the proposed uniform style. Isolated, so as not to be influenced by any outside opinions. And a group large enough to generate meaningful data without being too unwieldy. Voyager would seem to fit those criteria perfectly."

"A little too perfectly, if you ask me," Janeway said darkly. "Why is it only the women who have to wear these things?"

"A new male uniform is in development," Chakotay reminded her. "Besides, this is already the third day of the trial--just another 27 days to go."

Janeway was in no mood to be reasonable. She _knew_ it had been a bad idea to send pictures of the crew--particularly Seven of Nine--in the last datastream. Apparently, not only had the footage reminded HQ Voyager had missed the last uniform update, but someone had gotten the bright idea of copying the former Borg's catsuit.

The comm signal drew her attention back to the present. "Sickbay to Captain Janeway," said the EMH, sounding more irritated than usual. "Three more crew members have fainted in the last two hours."

"These crew members wouldn't happen to be female, would they?" Janeway asked with a sigh.

"Yes, they are." The ENH harrumphed most impressively. "I've said this before, Captain, but the new uniform design simply doesn't allow the lungs to expand properly to maintain an adequate supply of oxygen."

"Seven of Nine doesn't seem to have any trouble," Harry muttered.

"I heard that, Ensign," said the EMH before Janeway could respond. "May I remind you few if any of the other females on board Voyager are as thin as Seven. Besides, her Borg implants make her pulmonary gas exchange mechanism work much more efficiently."

"I'll make a note of it in my report," Janeway said. "Any other medical issues I should be aware of?"

"Ensign Wildman is in sickbay at the moment. She has renewed her request for immediate abdominal reduction surgery. I've told her such a move is unnecessary at this time--a simple modification of her diet and exercise regimen should do the trick--but she keeps insisting she needs it because she hasn't been able to drop the last three kilos she gained during pregnancy."

"Pregnancy?" Janeway said, bewildered. "Unless you mean Naomi--but she's six years old." 

"Exactly!" put in Samantha Wildman, a note of near-hysteria in her voice. "Six years, and I still can't--"

"I'm sure you'll handle the situation as you see fit, Doctor," Janeway said hurriedly. She motioned to Harry to cut the signal.

The turbolift opened again and Neelix stepped onto the bridge, armed with a coffeepot. "Good morning, Captain!" he said cheerfully. "I couldn't help but notice you missed breakfast this morning, so I brought you some fresh tookaberry muffins."

"No, thank you, Neelix," Janeway said right away. "I appreciate your thoughtfulness, but I'm not hungry."

"Nonsense!" said Neelix, coming closer and waving a basket in her direction. A most appetizing aroma rose from beneath the napkin. "You need something inside you--don't forget, breakfast is the most important meal of the day."

"Really," Janeway said through gritted teeth. "I'm not hungry this morning."

"You skipped dinner last night as well," Neelix pointed out. "I checked the replicator logs and I know you didn't grab anything there either--"

"All right!" Janeway threw up her hands in defeat, then wished she hadn't when she realized how the motion made her breasts thrust forward. "I'll take a muffin, as well as a cup of coffee."

"That's the spirit!" Neelix said approvingly. He handed her the entire basket and waited expectantly.

Janeway bit into a muffin. "Delicious," she pronounced and Neelix beamed.

She waited till he was gone before pushing the rest of her breakfast away.

"Is there a problem?" Chakotay asked, helping himself to one of her muffins.

"None," she said. 

"I know Neelix's culinary creations can be a little...interesting at times," he said, his mouth full. "But these are really good!"

"You're right, they are delicious," she said, taking small sips of her coffee.

"Then why not finish it?"

Not wanting to admit she didn't think she had room to both eat and breathe in the confines of the catsuit, Janeway just shook her head. "As I said, I'm really not very hungry this morning."

Chakotay shrugged and took another muffin. "Suit yourself. Incidentally, Captain, about your uniform--" he paused for a moment.

"Yes?"

"I just thought you might like to know the neck closure opens in front as well."

"I know," she snapped. "Is there any particular reason you decided to bring that up now?" 

"It sounds as though you might be having a little trouble breathing, that's all."

Janeway was about to contradict him, when she realized she _was_ becoming a little light-headed. Carefully, she undid the neckline to just below her collarbone. She took an experimental deep breath, then another one.

"It opens further down than that," Chakotay said helpfully.

"This is just fine the way it is," she retorted. A thought struck her. "How do you know so much about the way this uniform opens?"

"Uh, I've given it careful study," he muttered.

I'll bet you have, she thought.

He hastily added, "Just like I give all of the contents of the datastream. All part of being a good first officer, you know."

"Very commendable of you, Commander," she said, with all the sarcasm she could muster.

A passing ensign handed her a report to sign. She gave it a cursory glance. Everything seemed to be in order; she pressed her thumbprint to the PADD and handed it back. "Here you go, Ensign Ch'tzpa." Somehow, the PADD slipped from his fingers. "Oh, I'm sorry--" she made as if to rise from her seat and then thought better of it. The last thing she wanted to do was bend over and try to retrieve something from the floor. 

"No problem, Captain," Ch'tzpa said hastily. Was it her imagination, or did he look disappointed before crouching down and picking up the errant PADD himself?

Janeway sighed. It was going to be a long day.

~*~  
The afternoon went much like the morning, with the exception of Tom Paris returning from lunch looking like a thundercloud. Apparently, B'Elanna--clad in a skintight gold bodysuit of her own--had mentioned how solicitous the male engineers were being toward her, insisting she enter the Jefferies tubes before them and being careful to stay behind her as they maneuvered through the narrow openings. 

Janeway had spent her entire lunch break attempting to wriggle out of her catsuit in order to go to the bathroom, and then pulling it back on--all the while praying there wouldn't be a red alert. She made a mental note to ask Seven how she managed such things on a regular basis.

At least the catsuit was doing wonders for her posture; it was impossible to slump over while wearing one. She surreptitiously glanced down at herself; Samantha Wildman wasn't the only one who could stand to lose a little weight if these uniforms became standard. The old jacket and pants combination hadn't been the most flattering apparel, but it did hide a multitude of sins. Janeway crossed her legs and immediately wished she hadn't when Chakotay began shifting uncomfortably in the seat next to her. If she found the glistening length of Lycra-clad thigh and leg distracting, she could only imagine how he felt. She considered hiding out in her Ready Room for the rest of Alpha shift, then discarded the idea. She was no coward; she was capable of facing anything and everything that came at her. Still, there was no denying she had once been held down naked during an enemy interrogation and had never felt as exposed as she did now.

Finally, her shift over, Janeway rose gratefully and exited the bridge.

Chakotay caught up to her just as the 'lift doors were closing. "Deck four," he said and leaned back casually. A hint of amusement as well as something else was apparent in his dark eyes as he gave her the once-over for at least the hundredth time that day. "By the way, Kathryn, I was wondering if you had any plans for this evening?"

The 'lift came to a halt. She was glad to see the corridor was deserted. "No, I don't," she answered as she tapped the keypad outside her quarters. 

Chakotay followed her inside. "Would you be interested in--"

Janeway stopped with her hands on the back zipper of her suit. "No," she said quickly. "At least, not right now." She desperately tried to think of a polite way of getting him to leave, then decided Chakotay or no she couldn't wait any longer to rid herself of this suit and pulled the zipper impatiently. It went down a bit and then jammed. "Oh, damn," she said, trying to tug it further. Unfortunately, it had stopped in a spot in the middle of her back which was difficult to reach.

"Allow me," Chakotay said smoothly and stepping behind her, pulled the zipper down all the way.

"Er, thank you," Janeway said, aware she was blushing once more.

"Always happy to be of service," he said with another smile.

She waited, trying not to be obvious about how much she wanted him to leave--or how badly she needed to go to the bathroom.

"Anything else I can do for you?" he asked finally.

"No, I'm fine. I'm just going to call it an early night and get some sleep," she said.

"You're not going to get anything to eat?"

"Maybe later," she said, getting more frantic with each passing second.

Maybe it was the note of near-panic in her voice, but Chakotay finally got the hint and turned to go. "By the way," he said, from the open doorway. "I know you're not especially happy about the new uniforms, but you know this evaluation was mandated by Starfleet, and I know how you feel about obeying the letter of the law when it comes to Starfleet regulations."

"Thanks for reminding me," she said. She wondered if he suspected she had been planning on ending the trial early.

"See you in the morning, then," he said. "Sleep tight."

"I'll be sure to do that," she muttered.

~*~

At the staff meeting the next morning, Janeway distributed PADDS to all the assembled officers. 

"What's this?" asked Tom. With his wife in the room, he at least had no difficulty in keeping his eyes focused on the Captain's face.

"New orders from Starfleet Command," Janeway said, "or rather, a revision of preexisting orders."

"This wouldn't be about the new uniforms, would it?" asked Chakotay, giving her a sharp look.

"As a matter of fact, it is," Janeway said smoothly.

"Oh, really?" Chakotay said, skepticism in his voice. "And where did these orders come from?"

"I was not aware there had been another datastream transmission," Tuvok added.

"There wasn't; this was part of last week's stream which had come through somewhat garbled and we were only able to translate in the last 12 hours," B'Elanna said. Seven nodded in confirmation.

"Oh, no, they're getting rid of the catsuits!" Harry exclaimed in dismay, then caught himself. He lowered his eyes to his PADD.

"Not exactly, Ensign, more like they're being replaced," Chakotay said, obviously reading ahead. "Mini skirts?" he questioned with a smile.

"More like 'mini kilts'," Janeway said, exchanging glances with her chief engineer. "This is the missing _male_ version of the new trial uniforms. A diagram is enclosed." 

"Looks more like a loincloth to me," Tom grumbled. "This isn't going to cover very much."

"Indeed," Seven said with the air of one who'd been wearing catsuits far longer than anyone else on board. A small smile played about the corners of her mouth.

"I recommend increasing the ship's temperature by another few degrees," the EMH said. "But other than that, there are no objections to the design from a medical standpoint."

"But, Captain--" said Harry and Tuvok simultaneously.

"You can't seriously expect us to parade around in--" Chakotay said an instant later.

Janeway firmly quashed any further protests. "Regulations, gentlemen. This is what you'll be wearing while on duty for the next 30 days."

"Don't you mean 26 days?" asked Chakotay desperately.

"For the women, yes," Janeway said. "But you men have some catching up to do." She stood. "You have half an hour to replicate a new uniform according to these specifications and report for duty."

As the male officers dejectedly filed out, Janeway caught B'Elanna's arm. "Good work," she murmured. "To both you and Seven."

B'Elanna wore a decidedly wicked grin as she said, "There's more than one way to skin a catsuit."


End file.
